Rant.... ON A MONDAY!

The next paragraph may make no sense but it's coming straight from my mind so...

WTF? Come on, seriously?  This is becoming like a disease, an ache I can't find but still feel.  I kept my head down, looking at the bottoms of the lockers and walked at a moderate pace; I've never known exactly when I would pass you in the hallway, so it can't be that I was waiting for the specific time that you would walk pass.  Did you really say my name or was that my overactive imagination?  How did I know that that was you?  How the hell did I manage to see you, when all I could see were pants and shoes, no faces to connect.  It's like, no matter how hard I try, whenever you are near, I feel pulled to you and it hurts so freaking bad.  I knew the exact moment when I passed you and I made the mistake of looking back and seeing you.  It should be like you're dead to me and I could care less but, the truth is, I still love you.

I was riding with my neighbor to school and that Bruno Mars song started to play on the radio and I listened to it.

Same bed, but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Our song on the radio, but it don't sound the same
When our friends talk about you all that it does is just tear me down
Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name
And it all just sound like uh, uh, uh

Hmmm too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance
Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby is dancing, but she's dancing with another man.

I started going through this mental checklist as the chorus went by; "Yup, bought her flowers... held her hand, mhmm... I gave her all my hours when I could... tried to take her to every party, cause I knew she loved to dance... annnnd, now she's dancing with another guy... yup"

  I hate the fact that I love her; it would be so much easier right now if I had never given a fuck.

Car Wreck

I need to write this down before it becomes too blurry for it to have the same impact.

I was wearing a gray long sleeve v-neck under my leather jacket;  I was wearing some black fingerless gloves that I had made from an old pair of mix-matched black gloves that had resided in the living room closet for too long and some light-blue, white paint splattered jeans.  Jonah was wearing some blue jeans, a long sleeve green t-shirt, and his black coat; a gray toboggan and matching gloves were laying next to him on the seat.  I was just coming back from the Dollar Store where I was checking on a job application with Jonah, after we had finished lunch at McDonald's.   Jonah had a Happy Meal with chicken nuggets and a hot fudge sundae and I had a two cheeseburger meal with a large carmel frappe.  We were at the three-way intersection of Davidson Highway and Winecoff School Road- the one with the blinking yellow turn signal.  I had let a couple cars past before I looked to see if anyone else was coming:  there was a small gray car- a Flex or a Fit or whatever- but it was a good distance away and I thought it was going to slow down.  Three quarters of the way through the intersection, there was a loud, almost stereotypical crash sound and the world turned gray as I felt my body get jerked.  There was smoke and glass all over the place and the smell of burnt rubber and chemicals filled my nose.  I remember looking at the airbag deflate, and hearing the sound of Jonah moving.  I turned around to look at Jonah and-

I have to take a moment to gather my thoughts here because this is the worst part about the accident.  Not the fact that my car was totaled, not the fact that I probably had a concussion, not the fact that I had no idea how we were going to be able to pay for this or the insurance after this;  no, the worst possible thing about this accident is what I'm going to describe next.

Jonah was turning away from the window and there was a look of absolute, ice cold fear in his eyes.  There was deep tears in the side of his face and you could see the white bone and red flesh underneath and the flaps of skin that were left were hanging from the side of his face.  I watched with a look of absolute terror and nausea as my 8 year old brother's face scrunch up as he felt the blood run down his face and he slowly lifted his right hand and touched the side of his face and screamed.  Grabbing the door handle, I pushed the door open and ran to the driver's side rear door and ripped it open and half leapt/half crawled over the seat to him.  I immediately put my hand over the gashes and, screaming and quivering, I told him over and over again "I love you Jonah" "I'm so sorry" "You're going to be alright"  "I didn't ever mean for this to happen"  "I'm sorry"  "Jonah".  And then I looked past his broken face to see a Mexican American or Hispanic lady in a black car with silver rims and all of the sudden I started screaming "Help me" over and over and over and over and over again.  The lady looked like she typed something into a phone and then she drove off and I went hysterical screaming for somebody, anybody to help me, that he was only 8 years old and that he had never done anything to deserve this.   It felt like hours before somebody pulled me off of him and I was thrust back into the cold air and there was a couple of strong men who tending to my brother and I just lost it.  I started to scream that this supposed to never happen, that Jonah shouldn't have gotten hurt and why wasn't I hurt, I was the one driving and that this was just a dream, a nightmare, it wasn't real and I bit myself over and over again to wake myself and a woman told me that Jonah needed me to be strong and then I went over there and I told Jonah that it was just a small cut and soon as we get done at the doctor's, they'll take us home and well finish that level on the video game you were telling me about in McDonald's, you remember McDonald's, don't you? and please tell me you remember McDonald's, Jonah, Please tell me you remember and then I would lose all conception of control and go over to the phone pole and yell at myself and the car and then go back to Jonah.  I tried desperately to call 911 but all I could get was 335 and then 334 and then 944 and finally 911 and then it was all I could do to scream at the man on the line and make out the words of intersection of Davidson highway and Winecoff before I accidentally hung up on him and then I tried to call my mom, calling everyone else on the contact list and then finally screaming when she picked up.  By some miracle, she made it before the ambulance left and I rode in the ambulance telling Jonah that I was so sorry so sorry and telling my mom that I never meant for this to happen and that I should of been hurt because I was the one driving and if anything was to be blamed for, it was my fault and I should be the one punished.

When Jonah went into surgery, my Mom asked me who's blood was on my hands and I broke down again because I realized that my brother's blood was on my hands: I was the one who hurt him this way.

Birthday!!

As you've probably already guessed, it's my birthday.  Not looking forward to growing one year older but I can't really stop time so.... bring the candles!

O.Y.A.- I'm using MapleStory for Chibi illustrations.

Back Home

Hey, we're back home and there are going to be a couple updates to D.R.A.C., so just take a few seconds to read the list below.

1. D.R.A.C. has finally found an online MMORPG game that complies with our rules and requirements; you may have heard of it before and some of you might already play it: Dungeon Fighters Online or DFO, as it is also known.  D.R.A.C. has started a guild named D.R.A.C. (duh), led by SnowTenebrae.  We plan to have a website done before June, along with a promotional video.
2. D.R.A.C. will soon appear on The Bright Night Storum as well as on the D.R.A.C. Blog.  
3. The Bright Night needs administrators, so please apply at the Contact Us page of The Bright Night website.
4. The Bright Night is planning to open a Zombie Storum, which would only feature zombie-themed media (duh).  To hold a place in the creation of this website, contact The Bright Night at their Contact Us page.  Applications will stop being accepted on April 20th, 2012.
5. D.R.A.C.S. is working on creating a website.  To help, give ideas, make fun of, etc., please contact aaron.mckenzie101@gmail.com.  The website will start construction on the 300th post on the D.R.A.C. Blog.
6. We are currently looking for an administrator for Tumblr account for D.R.A.C.  To apply, please contact us at aaron.mckenzie101@gmail.com.  The Tumblr account will be operational as soon as we find an administrator.

In other news, my family is now in possession of a puppy named Levi (awwwe... puppy).  Jinx and Atacai made it to and from Las Vegas safely; the planes' timing was messed by a couple human errors and they were forced to sleep in a kind stranger's car, so they were a couple of days late.  I sincerely hope that everyone that reads this post will give these administration opportunities some thought.  These are nonprofit organizations, so these jobs technically count as volunteer work, but they will help D.R.A.C. grow into an even larger community.  

D.R.A.C.S. (Featuring Seria Arrows)- The Penguin Song

Yes, we know that The Penguin Song is not a D.R.A.C.S. song, but Shar let us use her wonderful lyricist, vocalist, and guitarist skills to add a song to D.R.A.C.S.'s album, Fear Them.  Using Jinx Muse's DJ skills and equipment, we were able to fix the high pitched beep problem that Shar originally had with her microphone.  Shar Ward is on the mic and guitar (obviously), while Ralphie Nights is on the cymbals.  The lyrics are by Shar Ward and this is the 5th track.
Upload MP3s using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck.

Hero Of War

A drowning man does not die silently

You can feel the final warning

And the black riches that follow

Through the veins of the shallow

Change the name to protect the guilty

He said, "Son, have you seen the world?

Well, what would you say if I said that you could?

Just carry this rifle, you'll even get paid"

I said, "That sounds pretty good"

Black leather boots, spit shined so bright

They cut off my locks but it looks alright

We marched and we sang

We all became friends as we learned how to fight

A hero of war, yeah that's what I'll be

And when I come home

They'll be d*** proud of me

I'll carry this flag to the grave if I must

'Cause it's flag that I love and a flag that I trust

I kicked in the door, I yelled my commands

The children they cried but I got my man

We took him away, a sack over his face

From his family and his friends

We beat him with guns and batons

Not just once but again and again

A hero of war, yeah that's what I'll be

And when I come home

They'll be d*** proud of me

I'll carry this flag to the grave if I must

'Cause it's flag that I love and a flag that I trust

She walked through bullets and haze

I asked her to stop,

I begged her to stay

But she pressed on

So I lifted my gun and I fired away

And the bullets jumped through the smoke

And into the sand that the blood now had soaked

She collapsed with a flag in her hand

A flag white as snow

A hero of war is that what they see

Just medals and scars,

So d*** proud of me

And I brought home that flag, now it gathers dust

But it's a flag that I love, it's the only flag I trust

Out the door, you get burned

And there is no way back in

You've got nothing

Snake eyes

The house always wins

Lonely

 I feel so lonely.

지금 내가 하는 얘기
널 아프게 할지 몰라
아마 날 죽도록 미워하게 될 꺼야
내가 예전 같지 않다던 네 말
모두 틀린 말은 아니야
나도 변해버린 내가 낯 설기만해
너무 착한 넌데 넌 그대로인데 Oh
I don’t know I don’t know
내가 왜 이러는지
그토록 사랑했는데 넌 여기 있는데 Oh
I don’t know
이제 날 찾고 싶어
Baby I’m sorry 너와 있어도 난 lonely
사랑하긴 내가 부족한가 봐
이런 못난 날 용서해
I’m sorry 이게 너와 나의 story
사랑이란 내겐 과분한가 봐
네 곁에 있어도
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
네가 잘못한 게 아냐
내가 이상한 거야
이미 오래 전부터 난 준비 했나 봐 이별을
정말 잘해주고 싶었는데
하필 사랑 앞에서는 왜
이렇게 한없이 작아지고 외로운지
너무 착한 넌데 넌 그대로인데 Oh
I don’t know I don’t know
내가 왜 이러는지
그토록 사랑했는데 넌 여기 있는데 Oh
I don’t know
이제 날 찾고 싶어
Baby I’m sorry 너와 있어도 난 lonely
사랑하긴 내가 부족한가 봐
이런 못난 날 용서해
I’m sorry 이게 너와 나의 story
사랑이란 내겐 과분한가 봐
네 곁에 있어도
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Cuz I’m just another guy
이 밤이 외로워 난
더는 견딜 수 없어 good bye
Cuz I’m just another guy
너무나 외로워
지금 네 곁에 있어도 baby I’m so lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely

Defiantly Resisting Arrogance and Corruption

For those of you that are new to D.R.A.C., here is a brief overview of what we do:

D.R.A.C. stands for Defiantly Resisting Arrogance and Corruption.  Members of D.R.A.C. are akin to members of a family; we stand up and with each other and do whatever we can to protect each other.  For those of you that don't understand, here's a comparison: D.R.A.C. is like a tightly woven basket.  Each fiber is a member: alone, they're are flimsy and easily broken, but together... they're extremely useful and hardy.  D.R.A.C. upholds important values and encourages members to grow academically and industrially.  

That's what D.R.A.C. is.

Click here to go to the D.R.A.C. website

Hey! It's me!

Hey!  It's been such a long time since I've last been on the blog or the website.  Everything has changed so dramatically.  There were rumors that Ile had a girlfriend; is that true?  I love Aiken's new line of story posts and I miss all of you.  I can't believe Vin is back with all of you guys at the High School.  How is Jesse doing up in China?  So many questions... I'll tell you about Virgina and you guys can fill me in about life back at the old place.

I'm in 11th grade (no skipping grades or being held back) and now a really good pianist (so they tell me).  I'm trying to find a job but it's a little hard now.  I don't have a car (unlike Aiken :P) but I do have a next door neighbor, Jennifer, who drives me to school.  She's become a really good friend and we do a lot of stuff together.  There's a guy... I won't tell you guys his name, (Aiken... I'll tell you... all you've got to do is ask) but I will tell you that his very nice and kind.

I miss all of you guys and wish I could come down there to see you all again.

This is me

 This is my song.

You screech like a siren
I'm too skinny to feed
You're on medication
Taking pills to sleep
I think I'm doing just fine
Compared to what you've been doing
I won't get vaccinated
Insurance costs too much
You think you're so persuasive
But I'm not giving up
Saving my life
It's not what you're doing

I, I won't justify
The way I live my life
'Cause I'm the one livin' it
Feelin' it, tastin' it
And you're just wasting your time
Trying to throw me a line
When you're the one drowning
I like where I'm at on my back
Floating down in my own riptide
The water is fine

I like to step on cracks
I go against the odds
You think my world is flat
Do I turn you on?
Maybe, yeah I'm wrong
But I like where I'm going
I leave when others stay
I never re-decide
I don't mind if you wait
But I don't waste my time
Crazy is just fine
'Cause I like where I'm going

I, I won't justify
The way I live my life
'Cause I'm the one livin' it
Feelin' it, tastin' it
And you're just wasting your time
Trying to throw me a line
When you're the one drowning
I like where I'm at on my back
Floating down in my own riptide
The water is fine

I remember when it used to be easy
I remember when it wasn't so hard
I remember when it used to be easy
I remember when, I remember when

I, I didn't have to justify
The way I live my life
'Cause I'm the one livin' it
Feelin' it, tastin' it
And you're just wasting your time
Trying to throw me a line
When you're the one drowning
I like where I'm at on my back
Floating down in my own riptide
The water is fine

I remember when it used to be easy
I remember when it wasn't so hard
I remember when it used to be easy
I remember when, I remember when

Thanks

Thanks guys.  I'm going to have to blog at night or in the morning, though.  I'm listening to the playlist that Aaron made for me on groove shark.  Thanks!

Same old Same old

I feel like I'm the only one that blogs on the weekend. Lazy. For those of you that haven't seen Joe's site, it's awesome.  Check it out here

Hey!

Hey, I'm Shar Ward.  If anyone wants to talk, I'm here @ shar.ward121@gmail.com