Falling back to move foward

Sometimes we have to go back to our childhood to understand how to be an adult.   Kind of seems weird when you say it but if you think about it, it'll make sense.  Laughter can solve almost any problem, so why not become the class clown when the class is failing or upset? I've been looking back partly because I'm trying to remember stuff and, with my screwed up head, it's not working too beautifully.  I've started working on StoryCom again here and there and I spent Saturday reading "Story".  I'm so glad to be going to prom with my best friends in the world; love you guys, Gerg, Jessi, and Hanvec (I don't think Mattias is going).  I wish Vin and Seria could be there with us, but I know you guys are doing fine.  I've been peeved lately because I had always imagined going to prom with a girlfriend and all that flowery stuff but, unfortunately, that is not a possibility.  I also imagined having a hover board by now but, that too, is not the case.  I'm glad I have the friends/family that I have.  Thank you guys.


Now go make me a sandwich.

Another Car Wreck

On the way home from NY, we hit a bad snow storm in VA.  My dad was going 70 and hit a piece of ice and spun out and hit a guardrail.  I hit my head and got a cut on my head.  I was the only one hurt so that's good.  We had to stay overnight in a hotel and I slept on the floor.  Rode home in a tow truck and got home on Friday in the afternoon.  Car is going to be worked on; it's my mothers.  I'm so tired.

Back to the place

On the road home! So tired.

Almost there

Finally at the Tri State area! Almost there.

New York bound

I forgot to mention before that I would be spending Spring break in New York, starting today. Yes, it's hard being in a CAR for 12 hours with 4 other people and, yes, a dog. Plus the wonderful driving mannerisms of the New York population is something I don't look forward to. But whatever. See you guys when I get back

Rant.... ON A MONDAY!

The next paragraph may make no sense but it's coming straight from my mind so...

WTF? Come on, seriously?  This is becoming like a disease, an ache I can't find but still feel.  I kept my head down, looking at the bottoms of the lockers and walked at a moderate pace; I've never known exactly when I would pass you in the hallway, so it can't be that I was waiting for the specific time that you would walk pass.  Did you really say my name or was that my overactive imagination?  How did I know that that was you?  How the hell did I manage to see you, when all I could see were pants and shoes, no faces to connect.  It's like, no matter how hard I try, whenever you are near, I feel pulled to you and it hurts so freaking bad.  I knew the exact moment when I passed you and I made the mistake of looking back and seeing you.  It should be like you're dead to me and I could care less but, the truth is, I still love you.

I was riding with my neighbor to school and that Bruno Mars song started to play on the radio and I listened to it.

Same bed, but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Our song on the radio, but it don't sound the same
When our friends talk about you all that it does is just tear me down
Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name
And it all just sound like uh, uh, uh

Hmmm too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance
Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby is dancing, but she's dancing with another man.

I started going through this mental checklist as the chorus went by; "Yup, bought her flowers... held her hand, mhmm... I gave her all my hours when I could... tried to take her to every party, cause I knew she loved to dance... annnnd, now she's dancing with another guy... yup"

  I hate the fact that I love her; it would be so much easier right now if I had never given a fuck.

Today's Summary

Today was kindof a waste, but I guess that means I'll work twice as hard tomorrow to make it productive. Memory is a strange thing; we have no control over what we remember and what we don't, but we know that we can reinforce the memory we have of a concept or piece of knowledge by studying it 7 times in a variety of ways. We can't control it when a random memory pops into our mind, but we often have the ability to bring up knowledge of something at will. We don't know how to prevent memory loss or how to regain it but we do know what sorts of trauma have a strong likelihood of causing it. Our memory is the closest thing we have to knowing the complete truth of a situation, but it can be tainted with hallucinations and misinterpretations caused by trauma or shock. We know that it is connected to the brain, but, like the mind, we don't know how exactly. We know that memories associated with certain feelings can be more easily recalled, but we don't know why. Memory seems to be both a gift and a curse; a tool of responsibility that we tend to wield haphazardly, as if we are ability to repair or tweak it if it fails or retains a recollection of a distasteful event. In fact we tend to try to block out only the events that can turn out to be ultimately useful later on in life purely because we don't like the idea of it. "Memorizing" is often used in place of "learning"; however, the two could not be more different. When one learns something, they will never "unlearn" it. However, one cannot educate someone on how to "learn" something. They can "teach" them the way to do it, but they cannot tell them if they will learn it or not. Memory disabled people are not the same as learning disabled people. Wow... That was a really long tangent. Huh...